I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
