They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
