you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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