but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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