He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
