so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
