Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize