My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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