so that wasnt chicken after all
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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