you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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