I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
