absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
