Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
