Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
