He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can feel your judgement through the phone
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
