i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
