How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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