and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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