There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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