I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
