apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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