Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
