I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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