Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
