She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
