This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
