Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
