i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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