just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize