how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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