It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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