I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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