I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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