Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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