3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
