I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
