Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
