wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize