She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
