cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
