I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it because I queefed?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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