We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
