He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
