Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
