OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is wine microwaveable?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
