just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
