yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize