Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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