I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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