Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
