Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize