I feel like I'm in dance class right now
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They are going to name an STD after you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
