I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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