Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
