mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
