just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Welp...herpes.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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