Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
