How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
