I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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