TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize