Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
