weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize