Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I love having hate sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
