Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
