Did you just see the Batmobile???
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
