I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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