I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
