oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize