she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
