I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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