I hate your face
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
