Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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