are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
