I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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