She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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