You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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