What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
